


Burn My Shadow

by mishaphappens



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Demon Deals, Demons, Gen, Hell, Hellhounds, POV Adam Milligan, Season/Series 06, Soul Selling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:29:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishaphappens/pseuds/mishaphappens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Because I told him not to," Sam says.  "Because it has to stop somewhere, Adam.  We need to stop sacrificing ourselves.  One day we'll have nothing left to give."  Sam looks over at the demon pointedly as it tries to take off the rest of its arm.</p><p>"You should take your own advice."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burn My Shadow

Sam holds onto him, pulling him back away from the fire and light, as the two brothers burn and claw at each other.  Sam pulls and pushes until he can't anymore, reaching the end of the cage.  There, he yanks Adam to his chest and wraps a protective arm around his chest.  Adam heaves and shudders, pain wrecking his whole body.  Adam's bit his lip bloody  from trying not to scream.  When Michael entered his body, it was like swallowing hot lava; he poured into his body and took total possession.  Adam's soul should have been burnt out, but instead he was just pushed down, down so deep--it was like hell, it was like where he was now, except now he could move, but he didn't want to, because that hurt, everything hurt.

"Don't worry," Sam whispered.  "Don't worry.  I'll get you out.  I promise."

Adam shakes, tears streaming down his face.  He doesn't want to believe him, but he has to hold onto something.   What an idiot he is.  He turned in Heaven for Hell and for what?  They promised he would save the world--did he?  Was his sacrifice necessary? 

"What happened?" Adam asks between clenched teeth.  If he opens his mouth any more, he'll start screaming and he doesn't think he'll ever stop.

"We won," Sam answers.  He presses a smile into Adam's hair and fixes his hold as Adam lashes out, bowing away as the last of grace leaves his body.  He slumps into Sam's hold, closing his eyes, and lets darkness claim him.

 

:::

 

When he wakes up again, it's to Sam screaming.  Adam feels his body shoved against the cage and hands crawling over him.  One grasps his jaw and Adam jerks, biting at the probing fingers until blood bursts into his mouth.  Sam is on him in an instant and he rips away the hands until Adam breaks free.  He crawls away, looking over his shoulder as Sam winds back and punches the demons back from the cage.  His brother stumbles away from the flash of a blade, but isn’t fast enough to dodge a spiked chain curling through the air and hitting him in head.  Sam stills for one long second before he crumbles to the ground.  Blood floods to the floor as Sam rests unmoving.

"Sam!" Adam scrambles to his side and before he can really think about it, he pulls the chains free.  More blood gushes out, it's like an endless supply, and Adam sobs, pressing his hand down on the wound.  He can feel where the spikes entered his brain, crushing his skull.  Adam has a moment of panic, a thought of <I> _fuck, I'm alone now, I'm alone </I> _when Sam suddenly moves.  Adam feels the wounds <I> _move underneath his palms </I> _and he snatches his hand back, watching as more blood bubbles free and the skin seals.  Sam's eyes flicker then slowly open, looking dazed.

"Just you wait," a demon snarls between the bars, blood glistening in his teeth.  "We'll drag you and the Boy King out piece by piece if we have to.  But you're ours.  _Ours_."

Lucifer and Michael rage on and Adam hangs his head, pressing his bloodied hands against his forehead.  He believes the demon.

"We'll be okay," Sam says, voice garbled with blood.  He spits some out.  "We'll be okay."

Adam doesn't believe that.

 

:::

 

It's take a long time for Adam to realize that time is seamless here.  It could be just a moment topside, but it was  a century down here.  Or, or it was like fifty years on Earth but it was just a blink in the cage.  Time had no meaning and why should it?  They were here until the end--even after that.  Why would the end of Earth mean the end of Hell?

Sam and Adam keep mostly to themselves.  They stay on the outskirts of the cage, a safe distance from the battle between Lucifer and Michael and the demons' outstretched weapons and fingers.  Out of pure boredom, Sam once used his own blood to create a game of tic-tac-toe.  Adam knows he should have been disgusted, should have thrown up, but instead he dipped his hands into the puddle of red and joined the game.  Maybe this is what hell does to you. Maybe this is what hell was.

Adam gets the whole story out of Sam in bits and pieces.  That's okay.  They have all the time in the world now.  Adam admits that he can't remember anything after Michael possessed his body, so Sam fills him in.  He tells about how they were about to fight.  He tells how Dean came riding up in the Impala, got out, and pretty much threw down the modern day gauntlet of a duel at their feet.  He tells how Sam--Lucifer--killed Castiel with a snap of his fingers.  He tells how he snapped Bobby's neck.  He tells how he punched Dean over and over and over again.  He tells about how he suddenly gained control--Adam couldn't get him to say how he did or how he was even awake--and he tells about when Michael grabbed him before he could jump in the pit and Sam...Sam just grabbed back and let them both fall.

"I'm sorry that I dragged you down with me," Sam says one day or maybe the next second.

"I bet you're sorry about a lot of things," Adam replies bitterly.  Sam just nods, looking at his fingers.  Adam thinks about how it would feel to be the reason Lucifer was free.  He imagines what it would be like to kill your family and punch your brother until he was broken.  Adam put his mom in the picture, even settles John in there like he always does and he just can't.  He swallows thickly, clenching his hand into a fist.

"But you don't have to be sorry about that," Adam says.  Sam looks up and studies him for a long moment (hours, days, years).  Eventually, a small broken grin flashes across his lips and is gone in the next second (breath).

 

:::

 

"When I found out about you," Sam says.  He stops.

"What happened?"

Sam tells him the whole story.  He reflects almost fondly on how Dean had a gun on his ghoul look-alike underneath the table and how Dean tested it with water and silver.

"I wanted you to join us," Sam says.

"You did?"

Sam looks over, laying on his back.

"I did."

"Why?" Adam asks.

"Didn't want to leave you alone," Sam answers.  "Not with what was out there, always gunning for Winchesters." He laughs softly, closing his eyes. "I said something to you--well, not you--about family.  You can only trust family.  Wish I took my own advice."

"It would have been helpful, in the long run," Adam replies.

"Yeah."

"But...you would have--?"

"You're family."

"People don't go to hell for families.  People don't sell their souls or drink demon blood or fight angels and demons for their families."

"Would you have done it for your mother?"

Sam's question stops Adam cold.

"If you knew she was in hell and you knew you could pull her out, would you?"

Adam swallows thickly, thinking about the hell he can hear beyond the bars, the screams of the tortured and the shrill laughs of the torturers.

 "If you knew who or what killed her, would you have killed it back?"

Adam thinks about the ghouls that snuck into the house and gutted his mom right before his eyes before slitting his throat.  He thinks about how he watched her eyes grow dark, vacant, as their blood pooled together.  More than anything, he wanted to kill them.  Still does.

"If you could bring her back to life right now...would you?"

Adam blinks back the tears, mouth squeezing into a thin line. "Yeah."

"Yeah.  You're a Winchester, all right." And Sam laughs underneath his breath.

 

:::

 

Sam tells Adam about how Dean and him grew up.  He tells him story after story, hunt after hunt, until Adam feels like he knows everything about them, every dark secret and shame, every thought and action they partook in over twenty years.  In return, Adam tells Sam about a life of normal, of going to school with the same people, graduating with the same people, having the same home to come back to every day.  Of having a life where you knew there was going to be food in the fridge, the electricity was going to be on, and your parent wasn't going to bleeding all over the place.  He told Sam about his dreams of being a doctor, about the girlfriend he regretted dumping when he went to college because goddamn, she was everything Adam wanted and he didn't even realize it until now.  Sam told him about Jess, about how he was shopping for rings before she died, and that if--no, Sam said _when_ \--when Adam was free, he shouldn't let the next girl slide by.  He should get that normal life.

"Sam, I don't know if you noticed," Adam says.  "But I'm dead."

"When did being dead stop any Winchester?" Sam replies.

Adam laughs a little bit.

Sometimes they get tired trading stories.  When that happens, Sam goes searching for a way out.  Adam trails behind, watching, not sure if he should be helping, but he doesn't know what to look for.  Sometimes Sam's frustration gets to him and he takes it out on a taunting demon.  Adam watches as they slice each other up, punch and crawl at the fence separating them.  Usually Sam loses and he stumbles back from the edge of the cage missing some piece of him--an ear once or his right arm, precariously hanging onto a sinew of muscle.  He'll heal, he always does, and then he curls up on the ground, and goes to sleep.  And sometimes, Sam wins and that's a bit more scary.  He saunters back to Adam, grinning with blood dripping off his naked body, and Adam will think he's finally gone crazy, just fucking lost it, and he's going to go on a murdering rampage.  Then Sam will sling his arm around Adam's shoulders and drag him along, saying, "Don't worry.  I'll get you out."

He's said it so much now that Adam believes him when he says it.  But Adam is beginning to realize that Sam never talks about getting out with him.

 

:::

 

"Do you think Dean is trying to get to you?" Adam asks once.

Sam is observing one very demented demon, who is slicing bits of itself off and throwing the body parts at Sam's feet like a twisted version of sacrifice and devotion.  Sam stills at Adam's question.

"To...us?" Adam asks, though he doesn't think it's very likely Adam has crossed Dean's mind.

"No," Sam answers curtly.  He picks up a dismembered hand and uses it to wave at the demon.  It practically faints at the sight, convulsing against the bars and groaning.  Adam is getting used to Sam's version of entertainment and that scares him more than anything.

"Stop that," Adam snaps, smacking the hand away.  It drops with a wet splat.  "And why not?  Why wouldn't Dean?"

"Because I told him not to," Sam says.  "Because it has to stop somewhere, Adam.  We need to stop sacrificing ourselves.  One day we'll have nothing left to give."  Sam looks over at the demon pointedly as it tries to take off the rest of its arm.

"You should take your own advice."

Sam's eyebrow goes up, but there's no surprise on his face, no innocence in his voice.  "What do you mean?"

"Don't think I haven't noticed," Adam says.

"Still not following."

"Stop it," Adam orders.  "Stop it."

Sam sighs, pretense falling away like his sinking shoulders.  He looks at his brother solemnly.

"You're not supposed to be here," Sam says.  "This is my punishment.  This is what I deserve."

"I don't believe that," Adam says. "If there was a God...this isn't just.  Not for you and not for me."

"God isn't around anymore, Adam," Sam says with a bitter smile. "Trust me on that one.  It's just up to you and me."

"Don't do anything stupid," Adam demands.  "I know that's hard for you."

Sam gives a low chuckle. 

"I'm not worth it." Sam's laughter stop.

"I'm not," he repeats.

Sam shakes his head and walks away.

"Sam!" Adam shouts after him.  "I'm not!"

 

:::

 

And then the day finally arrives.  A demon parts the cage like a man slicing into butter with a hot knife.  The chains and bars melt away, then reform after his passing, keeping the rest of the rabble at bay.  He's accompanied by some massive, snarling dogs.  Their fur is so black, it looks almost purple, and blood drips from their snarling jaws.  Their eyes are as red as their master's, glowing like hot coals.  Sam rises to his feet at his entrance and immediately puts himself between the demon and Adam.  Adam has a moment to feel mildly insulted but then again, he's not the hunter.  The biggest fight he's ever been was with Tommy Johns in the third grade over a who was the cooler Ninja Turtles.

"Hello, Sam," the demon greets.

"Crowley," Sam replies.

"This must be your other brother," the demon says.  He peers over Sam's bare shoulder and Sam steps forward.

"I doubt you're here to talk," Sam says.  "State your business then."

"Thirty years in the cage and still so quick," Crowley shakes his head, amused.  "But right you are.  I do have business with you, Sammy.  A proposition.  It will benefit you and your little brother." Crowley's eyes flick to Adam again and this time he looks him over, an appreciative glint in his eyes.  Adam feels more naked than ever and resists trying to cover himself up with his hands.  Sam bares his teeth at the demon in warning.

"I've heard how unhappy you and Adam have been," Crowley continues, glancing around. "The digs are a little sparse here and I know the neighbors are horrible."

"The point, Crowley," Sam says impatiently.

"Your soul," the demon says.  "Hand it over and I can whisk you and Adam away to more suitable arrangements."

Adam scoffs and waits for Sam to say anything other than, "Specifics."

"Sam," Adam says.

"Of course," Crowley replies. "I'll send Adam back to heaven.  You can go topside.  All I need is your soul."

"Sam," Adam says again.

"Forever or on lease?"

"Sam!"

"Until you come back to us," Crowley replies.  "Then you can have it back, when you join it on a rack."

Adam's had enough and he grabs Sam's shoulder, whirling him around.

"Remember when you said you should take your own advice?" Adam shouts.  "<I> _This </I>_ would be one of those times!"

Sam glances at Adam, his face carefully blank, before looking back at Crowley.

"What's in it for you, Crowley?"

Crowley shrugs, looking over his nails. "Our history, Sam.  Thought I would make the offer since you helped save the world and all."

"You have ten more seconds and then I'm walking away."

"You'll be passing up on a great deal, Sam."

"As you can see," Sam motions to the cage around him, "I'm not doing so bad here.  So what's your end game?"

Crowley gives a long suffering sigh, looking up.  He glances between the two brothers as he makes his decision.

"Running hell isn't easy, Sam," Crowley says.  "I need some new real estate.  Souls will help me get that.  And your soul, Sammy...it's going for a very high price."

Adam grabs Sam again, forcing his brother to look at him.

"It has to stop somewhere, Sam," he says.

Sam looks him over, studying his features.  After a long moment, he nods.

"You're right."

Adam gives a sigh of relief.

"It stops here for you."

Adam's sigh catches in his throat at the sound of Sam's voice.

"Say hi to dad for me," Sam says.

"No!"

Sam breaks from Adam's hold and he rushes to Crowley.  Adam tries to stop him, but the dogs rush forward and slam him to the ground.  He struggles against their claws and jaws, letting them rip into his flesh as Sam grasps Crowley's face and kisses him, kisses him like he means it, and Crowley laughs into his mouth, taking all that his brother has to give.  As soon as they break away, the dogs leap off Adam and attack Sam.  He goes down soundlessly, or maybe Adam can't hear over his own screaming, and he watches them tear Sam to pieces until all is left is a shadow, curled up and trembling like an exposed newborn.  Their jaws sink into Sam's soul and drag it away.  It doesn't make a sound, but Adam can see it struggle, clawing at the ground for purchase.  Adam runs, runs forever and the cage parts for the dogs and the demon.  Adam makes it just as they pass through and the cage slams shut once again.  He reaches out and his hand passes through Sam's soul, clenching nothing.  Then Sam is gone, being dragged down to where they scream the loudest.

Crowley stays behind though, watching, and then turns to Adam.

"And now for you."

"It doesn't make sense," Adam snarls.  "His soul is worth nothing to you!"

"On the contrary," Crowley replies, crouching down.  "Souls are worth quite a lot.  And now Sam is mine."

"He's topside," Adam says.  "You won't have him until he dies."

Crowley smiles most intimately, like at a small, stupid child.  Adam hates the look and hates Sam for being so stupid, so desperate to sacrifice everything for family.

"It's not just about his soul, is it?" Adam asks weakly.

"Yes and no," Crowley answers, honest for the first time.  "I now have a soulless man at my command.  And I have a heaven worthy soul to return to the pearly gates in exchange for another soldier."

"What?"

"I'm no angel," Crowley says, shrugging.  "I can't just pluck souls around at will, taking them willy nilly.  There's always a price." Adam feels a tugging sensation at his navel and he feels lightheaded, distant from this place.  "There's always a trade."  White starts to fill Adam's vision.

"In this case," Crowley continues, "your soul for another."

"Who?" Adam asks desperately.

"You wouldn't know him," Crowley replies.  "But you would have called him Grandpa."

The next time Adam blinks, he's staring in the face of his girlfriend. She wraps her arms around his neck, smiling gently, before leaning in for kiss. She tastes like blood and ash.


End file.
